There are over 13,260,000 males in Australia (including boys)in 2024. The truth is, it is less than 3% of men who struggle with behavioral issues to one degree or another (That’s about 400,000!! and I agree, that’s way too many). It is a statistically proven fact (link to Govt stat’s) that just .04% of that 400,000, that’s about 2000 men out of more than 13 million who actually lose their shit, get physically violent and end up before a court.
That means, more than 13,000,000 men do the best they can to maintain the peace in their lives… most of those men, the majority of those men, most often with their partners by their side, do a beautiful job maintaining relatively peaceful homes, skillfully and carefully providing for and nurturing their partners and children to the very best of their ability. These are the men we will see out there pushing the pram, carefully holding their newborn, playing with their toddlers at the playground, riding bikes or kicking a ball. These are the engaged dads, playing with their kids, at the sidelines cheering them on, attending the parent teacher meetings, out to dinner or a show with their partners and families, maybe we’ll even see them marching for women’s rights or protesting domestic violence or war… etc.
Wouldn’t it be great if society recognised and acknowledged these men for the heroes and role models that they truly are.
Some of us men (that 400,000?) feel misunderstood, emasculated, devalued, dis-respected, cheated, hard done by, used, shamed, blamed, guilty… it’s as though the masculine is under seige somehow these days, psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, you name it and many men are just living their lives in quiet desperation. These are the men who may struggle with their shadow, they will employ all manner of strategies to keep the peace. Some of us, attempting to deny our shadow, we will turn inward, or run, walk away, shut down, or mask it with unhealthy behavior like, addictions, aggression, resorting to violence maybe, or sadly, ending it, once and for all by suicide… rarely but sometimes with homicide, or on the very rare occassion… both. Ultimately, many of us, deep down, know, that sooner or later we will have to suffer the consequences of our attitudes and behaviors… tragically, it is too often those that love us who suffer the consequences as well.
For some of us men there comes a time when we are tired of the struggle, we will begin to acknowledge that we do have issues and need to sort our shit out once and for all. That’s when we begin to take responsibility for each our own part in any harm we may have caused, that’s when we will turn, face up to and begin to sort ourselves out … I count myself amongst this number, back in 2007/8, after my marriage of 25 years had failed, estranged from my 5 kids and the same situations recurring, I began to face up to the truth that I was the common denominator in all my struggles and if I didn’t start to own it I was doomed to continue to recreate the same situations over and over again.
Now that’s the difference, the essential difference, we are the men who take responsibility, own it, we face up to it and we do our level best to understand, to heal and to correct the attitudes and behaviors that bring grief to our loved ones and to our world.
The Say Yes Initiative acknowledges, encourages and honours those men who keep it together, particularly those men who turn and shine a light on themselves, those men who are couragious enough to see their shadow more clearly, to own it and do whatever personal growth work is necessary to change and become the best possible version of themselves.