There is intense debate over what percentage of men are prone to actual physical violence… does anyone really know?
Some seem to think it’s all men, some think it’s most men, some think most men are harmless and it is only a few who cross the line and end up in front of the courts.
Do you think this Domestic Violence issue is actually on a scale that calls for a national emergency (as our Prime Minister, much of the media and so many others seem to think)?
What do you think? Do you think ALL men are perpetrators? Do you think all women are innocent victims?
This is a serious question we at the Say Yes Initiative ask and to be honest, we don’t have a definitive answer.
What does your experience of men suggest to you? Do you know any good men?
I do and I count myself amongst that number.
Hello, I’m Rob Clark and I am the visionary behind the Say Yes to Family Peace Initiative.
Before I go on, I need to own that I am still a work in progress, I have my good (man) days and my not so good (man) days.
For me, and I speak for myself (I do not suggest that what is true for me is automatically true for you), the defining prerequisite for a good man is personal responsibility. I take responsibility for my part in creating peace in my family. When I don’t do so well I take responsibility and do my best to learn from the experience, self evaluate and self correct.
This was not always the case, way back there I blamed everyone and everything else for my struggles. I was, like many men, essentially a lost boy in a man’s body, I had really, never grown up and it was that lost boy who was running the show. I grieve for and have apologised to my (former) wife and kids, for what they had to endure back then.
I can’t think of a single positive male role model in my life growing up as a boy, a young man, or ultimately, a grown man with responsibilities, particularly when I had a wife and five kids to provide and care for. I felt like I was completely alone and nobody understood me or my struggle.
I am fortunate and so grateful to be able to say with certainty that I am these days surrounded by good men, mainly but not solely in the Mens Wellbeing Association. These men, take personal responsibility for where they are in life and they inspire me to be a better man because they themselves are serious about becoming the best possible version of themselves. Way back there in 2009 when I first began to wake up to myself, these men were the first to show me what personal responsibility looks like. What i needed back there was understanding, compassion and examples, way showers, authentic role models as living examples. That’s all any of us, men or women, need… right?
These days, at 67, I willingly give that compassion and understanding to men caught up in the struggle (no matter what their story) and so does every other man in this awesome community.
It is for this community of men and others like them that I was inspired to create the Say Yes to Family Peace initiative.
The good men seem to be almost completely ignored in the whole maelstrom of family, domestic violence outcry these days, who will speak up for them? Who brings awareness to the awesome work being done by organisations, groups and individuals in this arena of men’s work? Who is offering or at least pointing to effective solutions?
Back in 2012 I started the Maleny Open Men’s Group, it ran for almost 5 years. And in May 2015 I was invited to speak at a local Say No to Domestic Violence rally. The whole DV narrative brought so much up for me I wasn’t at all sure I could accept the invitation, however, feeling moved by the tragedy of it all and knowing my story had relevance I agreed as long as I could bring a positive narrative to balance the negative.